Call it a Gen Z trend or rebellious behavior-considering all the practicalities, marriage to me, is scarier than exploring the world. I have seen my mother working longer hours than anyone else. All her life, she woke up, cleaned the house, cooked, got us ready, got herself ready, drove to the workplace, worked there, drove back home, cleaned, cooked, went through our daily “this happened today” talks for hours, looked at our academics and homework, talked to neighbors, relatives, colleagues, and slept when everyone was already in bed. Everyone around recognized her efforts, but never applauded her enough. And all of that while working on two masters degrees, two pregnancies, and the monthly menstrual drama.
She is in her 50s now. Not working professionally, happy and fit but not as chill as the moms I see in movies. Just talking about the dreams and hobbies she left halfway.
She definitely has some inbuilt superpower. Being a girl and her daughter, I am immensely proud of her! But do I see myself doing all that? No! I do not see myself enjoying the life she lived.
Some people around me say, “Once you get a supportive partner, your life is all set.” I want to know what exactly is the support they are talking about? A partner who helps me in the kitchen? Or a partner who permits me to go on a solo trip? A partner who helps me with peeling garlic? Or someone who does not unnecessarily argue with me? Well, considering all those qualities, my father has all of them. And he also gets praised for that at our family gatherings.
But what if I say I don’t want to be the main character in the kitchen? I don’t want the help; I want to provide the help. You cook, I peel the garlic. You remember all the family members’, relatives’, and family friends’ birthdays and call them. I will surely wish them a happy birthday and pass the phone to you for further chitchat. You clean the dishes and cook the meal; I fill the tiffins while I’m on a work call. Sounds weird?
“Well then, how about getting yourself a Richie Rich, Rahi? Wear all the luxury brands and drive those buttery-smooth cars! Simply chill at home and sometimes take a vacation with your girls?”
Well, I wish those were my dreams. I envy people who lead life with a sense of chill. I stand slightly beyond the line- not living a chill life but enjoying the carefree life.
“Does that mean you don't want to take any responsibility at all, Rahi?” I don’t understand the responsibility of the kitchen, sir/madam. All my life, I’ve trained myself just to not die of hunger and to maintain hygiene around me. That does not make me a “sugran” or “aamchya mulila swachhatechi itki aavad ahe, kopra kopra chakachak karte.” Nothing against people who love to cook or clean, but that isn’t the only thing I would like to be labeled with.
It is funny to me when people around me say, “she is brilliant at everything- the career and the house chores. It’s just that she is a little too MODERN.” I mean, isn’t that a jackpot?
Friends and family around me who recently got married often say it’s the best thing that’s ever happened to them. But I see them taking permissions from their husbands to visit their own house. I see them setting their passions aside while serving their in-laws. I see them wearing salwar kameez while their husbands flaunt those gorgeous hairy legs. Yes, I do see all of them happy. But, unfortunately, I do not see myself happy in that situation.
Keeping society, relatives, friends, and Instagram followers aside, I was terrified and shaken to the core when my mother said, “Rahi, you are stronger than me. You are able to handle things better than I ever did. You have all those capabilities.”
Because honestly, I don’t want to.
“Toh chahiye kyaa aurat ko??”
Ek sheesh mahal, aur paisa gadi mehenga ghar.
Freedom of being my own self- sometimes a sword, sometimes a feather.
Not against getting married, just against the concept of marriage.
IYKYK. IDK. LMK. IYK.